Indifference
by Starr Bryte
Summary: The entire existence of a Nobody is that of opposites. What is being heard isn't always what's being said.


**Dear Reader,**

**I don't even remember how this got started... I think I was waiting for an AMV to load and started writing out of sheer boredom...**

**In most of the fics I've read Roxas is either a whiney little uke bitch or one sick puppy. There are some that I really like, some that I hate and some that just make me sick. But either way all of the fanfics I've read are someone else's take on Roxas that I can't blame them for. All Nobodies are a mystery simply because they are the opposite, negative being of a human. If you get my meaning. This is my take on Roxas as a Nobody thinking about Axel. Ever notice how Axel is the only Nobody that acts even remotly human? I have... Makes you wonder who his Somebody was, doesn't it?**

**I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

**Thank you to Fogdragon and Everfire for kidnapping me on Friday. Thanks for continuing your story and letting me watch 'MoonChild' with you. I had so much fun. Hugs for you both, I miss you a lot. If you are reading this I've almost got that character design done 'Xerxes' is really cute right now and his 'assistants' arn't that bad looking either.**

**To my personal Cloud and Tifa, kidnap me some time! I'm going to be starting the latest chapter of BoD and I'm drawing like crazy. I also wanna know what happens next in the game and I still haven't seen Labyrinth... Talk to you later!**

**Here's to my reviewers, friends and loved ones. I never have to worry about losing my heart because you ARE my heart.**

**Stay safe  
Stay healthy  
Sincerely,**

**Starr**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The opposite of love isn't hatred... It's indifference.  
The opposite of happiness isn't sadness... It's indifference.  
The opposite of pleasure isn't pain... It's indifference.  
The opposite of companionship isn't lonliness... It's indifference.

So when I tell you I hate you.  
When I tell you to go away.  
When I tell you to leave me alone.

That's not indifference.

So when you tell me you love me.  
When you tell me to stay.  
When you refuse to leave me alone.

That's not indifference either.  
I don't know what it is...

You... are more human than I am..  
More... alive...  
More intense.  
More intune with what it was like to be a Somebody.

Maybe it's because you don't care.  
Or maybe it's because you care too much.  
Or that you think too much  
or maybe you don't think at all...

Maybe that's why I yell at you.  
Maybe that's why I say I hate you.  
Maybe that's why I run from you.

Because I don't want to be you.  
Yet it's the only thing I've ever wanted.

To feel things the way you do.

I wonder what you were like when you were a Somebody?

If you are this intense, this... ALIVE as a Nobody... What must it have been like for you? For the people around you?

A holy terror I bet... I wonder what kind of people would have been able to survive you when you were a Somebody?

They should get put up for Sainthood.

Not that you're not a holy terror now...

Hell, how do WE put up with you NOW?

Forget your past, WE'RE the ones who should get an award for not killing you yet out of seer annoyance.

You with your jokes and your pranks and you smiles and laughter and intensity and kindness so uncharacteristic of a Nobody...

It makes me wonder sometimes...

What makes a person?

Emotions? We have those, but they're the opposite of every other emotion.  
Memories? We have those, but they're faded and broken and gapped and many of them are missing. But that's alright because I have new memories... I don't need these old ones that hurt when I look at them and cut me when I try to put them back together. These new memories aren't filled with a blinding light like the old ones. They are filled with darkness. But there isn't a single one that I can't look at. I can see all of my memories from when I first woke up in the darkness to the second before now, sitting here in the rain. The memories that have you in them are never dark. Instead they're filled with a flickering light that hurts the eyes as well as illuminates the darkness. And speaking of...

I know you're there...Axel... I wonder how long you've been staring at me, wondering what I was doing, what I'm thinking. How long are you going to wait... I'm not gonna give you acknowledgement. You either get your ass up here and sit next to me or you stand there in the shadows and stare a hole through my coat. Don't twitch Roxas, pretend he isn't there. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you feel him standing there. Damn the weird tingle in the middle of my back. If your eyes were more intense I think I really WOULD burst into flames...

I can ignore the others. I can show them the same indifference that they show me. It's easy because all of them are pale imitations of who they once were. They have their intense moments, but they are few and far between and almost painful to see because they can never be that person again. It's easier to just ignore them. After awhile the fade into the background, just like I do.

But I can't ignore you. It's no that I don't want to ignore you, it's just that I CAN'T ignore you. You refuse to be ignored. You poke your nose into everything! You are constantly where you aren't wanted. You talk when I want to be left alone. You tell me things that I can't even remember now because you said them without caring if I heard them or not. You are always there. I'm never alone because you are always there...

Thank you.

You are impossible to show indifference to.

What's that? What am I doing here, alone in the rain?  
Waiting for you to come and get me, asshole.

It's one of the charms of being a nobody. We are a weak mirror image of our former selves. But being a mirror image is easy... All you have to do is flip the words around to find the real meaning. But you already knew that didn't you, Axel?

Go away.  
Leave me alone.  
I hate you.

_Stay.  
Don't leave me.  
Thank you._

Maybe being a Nobody isn't so bad when you have another Nobody sitting next to you who knows exactly what you mean.


End file.
